3 things I learned during early parenthood that helped me with my work and art
On July 14, 2021, my wife and I welcomed our first daughter. After a very exhausting 36 hour labor, we finally had the opportunity to hold our gift of life in our arms. Our lives changed instantly. All of a sudden we were responsible for a new life that was wholly dependent on us, without any manuals on how to do it right.
The first couple of weeks were the scariest my life. Neither of us had the slightest idea what to do when the baby was crying. Was it hungry, bored, wet, or maybe tired? Nights became days and days became longer. We had no time to ourselves but we didn’t mind. It’s an exciting new experience for us and we already knew what we signed up for. We kept telling ourselves that things will normalize organically over time.
After two weeks of paternity leave, it was time for me to go back to work. I did no writing, filming, or photography of any kind during those two weeks, so I can’t say I was recharged. Instead, I started getting even more tired as, for various reasons, I needed to perform at work as well as, if not better than, before. However, performing at 110% at work while being a good and attending parent is physically impossible. My focus was absent and I would find myself spending less time with my daughter in the evenings.
I knew I needed to adjust and start being smarter in balancing between parenthood, work, and my passions. Here’s what I learned during that process.
Focusing on the things that matter
Being a new parent means you’re constantly distracted. You start doing one thing and soon enough, you find yourself balancing a crying baby on your shoulders trying to soothe it down. As soon as you become a parent, subconsciously, babies become your number one priority whether you want it or not. With that in mind, laundry, vacuuming, emailing or reporting always come second. You start one job and you end up never finishing it because the baby needs you.
Instead, you start managing your time more effectively, knowing that you only have a scrap 10 minutes free to do the things that need to be done, and ask yourself whether you really need to import and edit all 70 photos you took yesterday or whether to focus on the one-two that standout. Or whether to quickly extract that data someone asked you earlier this morning, just to please them, rather than use those 20 minutes to finish off the presentation you have coming up for your seniors.
You’ll read many books about the importance of prioritization and the need to focus on the one item that will result in the biggest impact. A baby makes this more tangible than ever, and all of a sudden, you find yourself prioritizing the things that matter the most, ultimately making you more productive and impactful at your job.
The fine balance of demand and supply
Every article and book on economics that respects itself will cover the importance of a finely balance demand and supply chain. Theat paradigm, however, applies across everything we do on our day-to-day lives. Baby’s hungry and cries its lungs out? Keep it happy and giggly by feeding it at the right moments. At first, it’s hard to know when a baby will be hungry. And when it starts crying, you go through the rounds of checks for a wet nappy, any discomfort, tiredness, boredom, and then milk. Bu then, the baby is even more agitated than before.
Eventually, you start learning and adjusting to its needs. You know when it will approximately start being hungry and you have the milk already prepped and ready to go. The same applies to your work and personal life. You adjust to a new schedule and know what and when to expect things so you proactively prepare for those key moments.
Your 10-minute break where you used to play FarmVille (yes, I’m that old) now becomes the 10 minutes you need to duplicate last week’s deck and prep for Monday’s report or finish off the blog post you have in the works, even if it’s only due a couple of weeks from now. Essentially, you now end up using your time more effectively and prepare for things in advance, rather than coming in short on the due date.
What got me here, won’t get me there
There’s a great book by Marshal Goldsmith called What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. Essentially what this book talks about is that what made you successful in life up until now, won’t continue making you successful in your next chapter and you’ll need to adjust your approaches if you want to continue growing. The same applies when a baby enters your life. The things that made me successful at work until now have not helped me over the last couple of months i.e. working long hours, being very focused, being able to manage multiple clashing priorities, and being a perfectionist.
I physically can’t work long hours anymore. I have a baby to attend to and care for. I can’t take on more work and manage multiple priorities at the same time. I had created certain expectations and I now end up falling short of the things that used to make me successful in my professional capacity. And you can only use the “sorry new baby is taking over my life, haha 🤣” excuse a couple of times before people start questioning you.
I needed to find a new “thing” that will help me further develop and grow within my professional capacity, and at the same time keep being a good and attentive parent to my baby daughter. I know you probably expect me to say what this new thing is, but the truth is that I’m still searching for it myself. What I do know, is that it’s most likely a combination of the three things I shared today. being more focused on the things that matter the most and provide the best possible impact is certainly high on my wish list.
In my most recent post, I told you that this blog will change and I wasn’t sure of its next chapter. The reality is that my whole life has changed since the arrival of my daughter. I’m not the same person I used to be a few weeks ago. I’m less self-centric and my life doesn’t revolve around me anymore. But I’m as hungry and as excited to discover and grow in my new capacity as ever (and tired… very, very tired).
Till next time…
